Sometimes you're not too too sure...

I wait at home. Almost too long. When are they going to be back? Where did they go? Will they every return or is this me going back to my time in the cage for over three years again?

We watched 'The Secret Life of Pets' the other night together; all of us snuggled on the couch. It was a pretty good representation of our lives as pets while our owners are out (but don't get too too upset about that - it's a dogs life out there!).

One thing that really quite stirred me while we watched: These dogs really do have each other's butts, I mean backs! They would really choose to go to the ends of the city to help a fellow-dog out! Not because they had nothin' better to do, but because they knew that it was important to support each other; they knew if anyone else was in the same position they'd do the same for them.

But ya know? I've seen a few too many dark nights. I've worried a bit too much, I think. It rears it's head with my anxiousness-habits (running away, shivering because of a thunderstorm, etc. - see my other posts). I'm a worried dog. Not super-proud of it, but I am. Some may call it PTDD (Post-Traumatic Dog Disorder). I call it how I live life now. I'm a bit of a fradie-dog. Cats have too much of a rap because of the well-used phrase 'fradie-cat'. Each of the cats I've come across, they 'aint too 'fraid of me! They're out for blood! Trust me - I've got the scars to prove it!

I guess you could say that I'm a 'bowl-half-empty' sort of dog...I think you humans call it pessimism. I call it normal life. But because it's 'normal' to me, doesn't make it unharmful to others. I'm often exhibiting these traits when my owners come home. I can't stay closer to them! It seems like FOREVER since I saw them! I'm sometimes almost tripping them because I'm so close under-foot! I can't help it! I thought they'd be gone for good! I thought I would never see them again! But, there they were! They came back! And I was super-happy!

I've got experiences in my past I would rather not talk about...but if I don't talk about them, they keep festering in me...like a itch that I can't quite get at (oh, fyi - we LOVE when you reach that spot for us with a REALLY good itch!). I don't think I'll ever get to the place where I won't worry...but they tell me that there's a way to 'walk the worry out'; there's a way for it not to effect me as much as it does...

But, as I wrote about at the beginning of this post, I've got friends, I've got family, I've got people that will be there for me - no matter what! That's a pretty dog-on good life! So when I worry, I need to make DOG-sure that I'm not aggravating my loved-ones too much. I don't want to be a pain in their side. I fully admit that sometimes I don't know my own boundaries. It's too bad 'cause I think the (other) true, old-adage is that you hurt the people you love the most comes with a little too much truth. I'd rather focus on the fact that I have loved-ones, but I do need to focus on the fact that I've hurt or annoyed them. Dog, that's not cool. And I need to say I'm sorry. I don't want to keep hurting the people that are around me.

I read somewhere that dogs learn patterns and react. If my owner consistently kicked me down the stairs, or pushed me away when I was comin' for a good ol' fashion belly rub, I'd learn pretty fast not to come near by. But the truth is, it goes both ways. If I'm annoying to be around, if I bark too much (which is not one of my patterns; my owners are VERY grateful that I don't bark like the neighbours' do), if I'm just simply an annoyance because of how I respond to my environment, I wouldn't want to be around me either!

Sometimes you're not too too sure...so you react to your surroundings and hurt the people that are there to help you, love you, and support you through whatever you're going through. Sometimes we dogs don't know what's going on unless we get a bit of guidance. But it's going to have to start with us learning how to see reality. We really need to risk getting our snouts out of the ground and see what we REALLY have. If we had the right focus, we would see life is pretty dang good!

So...even though sometimes I'm not too too sure...I need to still risk believing that things will be ok. So what if the bowl is half-empty? It'll get re-filled! It always does!

So, until next time, remember:

Whether your glass is half full or half empty, hope can fill it up. Matshona Dhliwayo